Don’t get your panties in a wad.

I am a panty snob. Mostly because the cheap ones tend to rip apart at the spot that I grab to pull them up after a couple of wears. I guess my delicate lady hands aren’t that delicate. I have a specific kind I like, and I order them online from a well known underwear store. I don’t like going into the actual store because it’s dark and pink and smelly. It’s basically an enormous womb decorated with animal print, glitter, and angel wings. The only downside is that if you order online, they get your mailing address. Once they have that, you can expect their catalog (basically a white sorority girl’s Bible) to embarrassingly hang out of your mailbox quarterly.
I’m not going to get all bent out of shape about how women are perceived in society or how we are represented.  It’s a Victoria’s Secret catalog. It is what it is, and it is more geared towards men than the actual consumers anyway. In the spirit of not being a feminist lunatic, I’ve decided that I could take some pointers from the models. My body is clearly not at the point that I should be prancing around in a naughty Santa getup (yet), so I shall focus on the neck, up.

Also, before you jump to any wild conclusions like “Kori was born to do this” or “she makes it look so effortless,” keep in mind that I had the benefit of all the light filters my Samsung Galaxy has to offer, and these artists work with no computer editing whatsoever.

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The timeless lip chew, ladies and gentlemen.

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Check.

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Eating food item.

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Double check.

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Eating nonfood item.

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Nomnomnom

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“Oops, bit my tongue.”

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Easy.

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“Dazed and confused.”

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All the time.

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“Shhhhh, I almost had a thought.”

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Perfection.

There are also several that I deem beyond my competency level. Maybe someday… with practice.

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See? I’m totally cool. Not everything has to be a political statement. I’ll be danged if I’m going to boycott my favorite panties just because I may be a little offended.

I’ll leave you with this sexy woodland creature to inspire you for the rest of the day.

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5 responses to “Don’t get your panties in a wad.

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