To whom it may concern:
On this day, in the year 2012, a contract was entered into by one [Kori Morphew] and one [Ryan Reeves]. The document bound the two in monogamy until death by the laws of God and man, and was signed in legal fashion in the presence of an ordained minister, and bore the seal of a notary public. The first party would like to commend the second party for his commitment to said contract. Sufferage/damages sustained by the second party over the last three years include, but are not limited to: spousal weight gain, extended periods of negligence while the first party worked/studied, unpredictable emotional outbursts, domestic untidieness, graphic delivery of one infant son, the contruction of a home in extreme temperature conditions, and being soley resposible for any and all vehicle maintenance performed within the household. Let the record show that the second party has exuded patience and benevolence toward the first party for the entirety of the term. The contract has never been breeched nor negotiated. Neither has there been any motion to render it null and void. As the first party, I would like to move that we instate it for another 365 days at which time, we can again discuss the terms.
Kori Reeves, Registered Nerd