An Anniversary Memorandum

To whom it may concern:
On this day, in the year 2012, a contract was entered into by one [Kori Morphew] and one [Ryan Reeves]. The document bound the two in monogamy until death by the laws of God and man, and was signed in legal fashion in the presence of an ordained minister, and bore the seal of a notary public. The first party would like to commend the second party for his commitment to said contract. Sufferage/damages sustained by the second party over the last three years include, but are not limited to: spousal weight gain, extended periods of negligence while the first party worked/studied,  unpredictable emotional outbursts, domestic untidieness, graphic delivery of one infant son,  the contruction of a home in extreme temperature conditions, and being soley resposible for any and all vehicle maintenance performed within the household. Let the record show that the second party has exuded patience and benevolence toward the first party for the entirety of the term. The contract has never been breeched nor negotiated. Neither has there been any motion to render it null and void. As the first party, I would like to move that we instate it for another 365 days at which time, we can again discuss the terms.

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Kori Reeves, Registered Nerd

If You Give the Nurses Chocolate…

If you are managing a nursing department, this is the best advice I can give you. Next time morale is low,  and you decide to bring us a tub of chocolate candy to boost spirits on the floor, you need to really think about it. Because…

If you give the nurses chocolate, it might remind one that her stomach has been growling for eight hours. If she gets to thinking about her empty stomach, she may get upset that the only time she has access to hot meals is two hours a day on weekdays, or never on her night shift. If you give a nurse 24-hour kitchen access, she might just start thinking that her patient’s elderly, crippled husband might be hungry too. If you give a nurse a “guest tray” policy, she might just get the feeling she has a voice. If a nurse starts having a voice she might use it to point out that the ten types of colostomy bags we carry aren’t compatible with any of the seven types of wafers that are in the supply closet. If you give a nurse the supplies she needs to do her job, she could get the idea that she deserves to work in a well-staffed department as well. If you give a nurse another nurse, they’ll likely decide they are in the mood for chocolate. Soooo…

Always be very, very careful when you give the nurses chocolate.

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Kori Reeves, Registered Nerd

A Swift Kick in the Pants

I thought that I had a crappy week. Work had me running on fumes. I’ve been wasp stung on the pinkie toe at 2AM. My house is a wreck. My husband is stressed. And, I ended the week by contracting pink eye so I can’t even play with my son to make me feel better about the whole thing.
But you know what? I haven’t had a bad week.
Not once have I been abused in any way. I haven’t worried about getting my next meal. I did not find out I have a terminal disease or a dying loved one. I didn’t stay a single night out in a blizzard. My home is still upright, unharmed by fire, wind, or flood . I haven’t had to hang a single missing child poster. My air still blows cool. My water is safe to drink. I can hold any belief I want and not fear for my life. I’ve not woken to the sound of gunshot or sirens. My front yard wasn’t ransacked by war or riots. My parents and grandparents still have sharp minds, untouched by tragic disease. I’m still employed, and have a way to get to work. I’m healthy enough to work.
No, I haven’t had a bad week.  I’ve only had a bad attitude. Which is, coincidentally, one of the few things in this life we can always control. Dry it up, Buttercup, and be grateful for what’s going right.

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Kori Reeves, Registered Nerd

Nursley Tools

I really have never enjoyed shopping. However, I do love getting new things. I think that this combination of traits has lended to my becoming an Amazon.com junkie. Nothing can make my day like opening my front door, holey sweats and mismatched socks in place, and finding a brown package with my name on it. “Why Amazon, you shouldn’t have, it’s not even my birthday!” *blushes coyly.

This beaut is what came in today.

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“Oh Amazon, don’t make me laugh, I am a married woman.”
     I can now stop borrowing my coworkers’ “ears” all the time without asking. (Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission right?) Guys, this stethescope is so clean looking. Black on black, it makes me feel like a ninja gangster nurse. Also, thanks to an unfortunate stroller incident, it now smells like balsamic vinegar.  I’m acually still trying to figure out if that is a pro or a con.
Note to self: Don’t store snacks in a cheap container if you are packing it in a small stroller pocket with your brand new nurse toy all in an effort to show off said toy down a bumpy driveway.
     I find myself asking “Why am I so excited about this stethescope?” It is lower end, nothing special, and only had 3.5 stars on the Amazon review.
    To answer myself, my first thought was “Well, I havent had my own in over a month, and its been really inconvenient.” True as this may be, I don’t think that is all of it. I think that having my nursely things, my “tools,” makes me feel like a stronger nurse. Makes sense, Beethoven may not have been so good at his job if he were both death and short a finger (Maybe he would’ve, come to think of it.) But I am no prodigy. I need all the help I can get. I do mean ALL the help. That is why I make it a point every morning on my not-so-long commute to work to not turn on the radio. That is a very important time that I basically ask God to help me make people feel better and to help me not hurt anyone.  I think that every nurse has that deep, dark fear. Med errors, IV lines full of air, hanging the wrong blood… these are simple, yet potentially deadly mistakes. To err is human, unless you are a nurse. Then, to err is manslaughter.
     Every day, we have to be physically, mentally, and spiritually prepared. Today, we may hold the hand of a dying man, comfort the family that isn’t recognized by their own mother, we might even actually need the hemostat we’ve been carrying around for two years. We may face new moms with no formula, an addict with nowhere else to go, or a paraplegic with no will to live. It is so important that we are prepared for anything.
 
Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

If God had used a nurse to write the Armor of God verses in Ephesians, I think it would have sounded more like this.

 Stand firm then, with the stethescope of truth dangled around your neck,with your favorite, comfy navy blue scrubs of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace (and Dr. Scholl’s). In addition to all this, take up the alcohol pad of faith, with which you can extinguish all the bacteria of the evil one. Take the tape roll of salvation and the clicky black ink pen of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

-The final verse, however, would probably remain in tact.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

We do pray. We pray together, we pray alone, we pray our way through codes and heavy work loads. Silently, and occasionally aloud (only if old ladies bully me into it.) We pray for our patients and their loved ones. But what I pray for most is help.

Kori Reeves, Registered Nerd