Why I’ll Never be Good at “Adulting”

Sure, I go to work. I pay my bills. I’m a decent budgeter. They even let me openly leave the store with booze and R-rated movies in tow. However, I think there are several things about being an adult I’ll always be inept at,  either because I just can’t get it together, or have zero desire to.

1. Mailing Birthday Cards
I can’t tell you how special I feel when I reach into my mailbox every August and, expecting the same agglomeration of bills and credit card solicitations, withdraw a colorful, hand addressed envelope with my actual name on it. (Whoever “Current Resident” is really needs to talk to the postal service about their true address.) I get a handful of birthday cards every year that I proudly display on the fridge for at least a month. It is sooo much better than a facebook message. (Although I enjoy those too.) The thing is, I wish so hard that I was this thoughtful, but I don’t think I’ll ever have it together enough to do this. I’m the lady that some years, writes out Christmas cards and forgets to mail them. I do get my thank you cards out after wedding and baby showers, but to be honest its because my sweet grandma calls and reminds me to mail them every day until they are out. Its not that I’m not just SO grateful, I am just that scattered.

2. Folding laundry
I hang up the “nice stuff” and I’ll even fold and stack bath towels. As for the rest of it, I employ a highly sophisticated “wad and stuff” method. Why neatly fold and stack if you are going to ransack your way to the bottom of the drawer for that perfect pair of jeans, leaving them wadded and stuffed anyway? I really think it makes sense to cut out the middle man here and save a lot of time. If you are wondering if I iron these clothes because undoubtedly they get severely wrinkled, of course I don’t.  If something really must be free of wrinkles, tumbling in the dryer is more than sufficient. I dont really understand why this isn’t the common way of laundry.

3. Raking leaves
There’s a part of me that believes that raking leaves was invented by the worlds most OCD control freak. We want the beautiful oak tree in the front yard, but as soon as its foliage finds its way to the ground, its suddenly “undesireable.” So people commence in this time-consuming, mundane task where the resulting product only lasts about a week and then needs repeated. To me, its a bit like trying to sweep on the beach or washing a mudhole. In my opinion, the yard couldn’t be more beautiful than it is when God’s creation just does its thing. Of course, I live in the woods, so I might be biased. I love leaves on the ground because it keeps away grass that I have to mow. You can imgine my thoughts on that task as well.

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My actual yard.

4. Talking on the Telephone
Nobody likes to have to call the insurance company/social security/credit card people/phone company. But I hate it so bad that I spend all this time trying to avoid it. First, I go to the website to see if my business can be handled online. If not, I then tend to seriously procrastinate the call. I make excuses like “I can’t do it today because I need to go grocery shopping.” Its all very irrational to avoid a 5 minute call. Then, when I do call I am the weird person who prays for an automated system.  “Heck yes I’ll press 1 for yes and 2 for no!” If there is no such luck and a human person answers, I have to ask them to repeat themselves a hundred times. The reason a mix between my cruddy hearing, their accent, and my nerves. Also, if they ask me a simple question like my name, my very delayed answer may very well be “August 28, 1990.” It’s pretty stressful. I hate myself for being bested by a simple phone call. Its no reason to get that anxious.

Honestly, I don’t think any of these things make a person “responsible” or “irresponsible.” I think I have a hard time letting things that  can’t justify as “important” get higher on my list of priorities than playing with my son, or hanging with my husband, or making awesome memories with my friends and family. Yes, a bit of it is my lack of structure and organization,  but that’s how we do it at our house. Fly by the seat of your pants. Roll with the punches. Have as much fun as possible along the way!

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